About the Coach
Mistakes Dads Make
Divorce and Custody
Mediate or Litigate
Cost of Divorce
Message to Mothers
Travesties of Justice
Message to Mothers
Is the father of your children really that bad? Did he parent differently then you? Did he not make enough money? Was he unresponsive to your needs? Did he have an affair or leave you?
Even if he did all of the above, the children you brought into the world together have a god-given right to a good, loving relationship with their dad—regardless of how you feel about him or the way your relationship went. Children need dads as much as moms!
Please remember, you do not own your child! Neither of you do! You are guardians and therefore both responsible to do everything within your power to give your child the best in life—which includes a mom and a dad!
Yes, it’s easy to get the courts on your side. Yes, you can play dirty tricks to slander and falsely accuse your child’s father or ruin the relationship between him and his child. But guess what… You and your children lose big time!! Why?
Because when a boy grows up without a dad he is…
• Twice as likely to drop out of high school
• 2 1/2 times as likely to shoot or stab someone
• 3 times more likely to be in prison before his 19th birthday!
Or what about your daughter? Girls who have been raised without their father present in their lives...
• Fear rejection and abandonment
• Lack trust and project betrayal
• Feel less important
• Become afraid their marriage will end up in divorce
• Are more than 100% more likely to get pregnant and perpetuate the cycle by giving birth to their own father-absent children!
If you deprive your son of his dad, who is going to…
• Teach him to treat women with respect
• Wrestle with him
• Discipline him when his hormones are raging and he’s feeling out of control
• Take him camping and do "guy" things
• Teach him the differences between real love and casual sex
• Help him get through the difficult teen years when he doesn’t relate to mom
• Show him that men and women can work out their differences fairly
• Teach him how to protect himself or his brothers and sisters
If you deprive your daughter of her dad, who is going to…
• Teach her how to relate to men so she has a foundation already in place as she grows and meets boys, young men, and ultimately, her future partner
• Make her feel safe if she is physically threatened? (Dads are incredibly protective of their girls)
• Give her another perspective on life
• Help her understand her boyfriend's or husband's desires
• Give her good memories of fun times with dad
• Physically challenge her or teach her to ski, mountain climb and other intense sports if you are not inclined in this way
• Be there for her when she needs a strong male figure in her life
You have no right to deprive your child of quality time with their natural father if he has not abused them. Remember, you chose this man to be their father.
It is wrong to attempt to drive him out of his child’s life by wearing him down financially and emotionally with legal tactics and maneuvers.
It is criminal to use false accusations against your child’s father to gain favor in the courts. And keep in mind that if you do, your child will surely find out one day. Are you willing to deal with their feelings of anger and resentment?
Maybe your husband/partner wasn’t perfect or didn’t "live up to your expectations," but your child still loves him and deserves quality time with him that allows them to be a secure family of their own without interference from you or the courts.
We men realize that women rule in the courtrooms of America. Women have worked hard to achieve the power they have attained. Now it's time for women to demonstrate their wisdom and use that power with grace, compassion, and respect and leave their selfishness in the past. It's time to nurture your child/ren’s relationship with their father.
Reasons to respect and support your children’s relationship with their father:
• He will be there to take care of your children if you get ill or die.
• He will be more likely to honor his agreements and pay child support in a timely manner.
• He will not badmouth you in front of your children.
• Your children will be more stable, balanced, and emotionally developed.
• Two adults will share the responsibilities of raising your children.
• The children will have two concerned, caring parents who love and will look after them.
• You will have more personal time to catch up on life’s demands.
• Your child will know unconditional love from two parents.
• He will treat you with respect in front of your child.
• Your child will never have another real father (or mother). No person can ever replace a child’s natural parent.
• He will nurture and support "your" relationship with your child.
Eric has helped me get through a very difficult family separation and custody case. His objective based approach has had real, measurable, positive results, and has been central to helping me overcome major obstacles in our family's conflict. Most importantly, Eric has helped us (my ex too) stay focused on our son's well-being, which has proven to be an effective means reaching agreement. Eric's approach is positive, outcome based, and works.
- Brian Kane, Boston