Divorce Coach For Dads :: (303) 413-8122 :: Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions

Why did you become a divorce coach for dads? What is your professional background? How is what you do different from a psychologist or psychiatrist? What do you do as a coach? What can I expect in the first consultation? Have you helped others in difficult situations? How long will our association last? What are the bottom line advantages to using your services? What is your relationship to my legal counsel? What if my ex-partner has begun an aggressive legal action? Do we have to meet in person? What is your fee structure? How do we get started? Why did you become a divorce coach for dads? I chose to work with dads because I went through a custody battle over my son and experienced first-hand how difficult it could be for a father and how devastating it could be for a child. That was the first experience that led me in this direction. This following story left such an impression on me that it continues to motivate me in the work that I do. I met a woman in my hometown sitting on a park bench crying. It turned out that her brother’s ex-wife had attempted to gain full custody of their two young girls and they had been embroiled in the courts for almost 3 years. He had gone to court and, that day, after winning full custody of his two girls, went home and blew his head off. That’s when I realized how many men must be living through the same type of struggle and challenge in their lives and it was obvious to me that other good dads need help just as I needed help many times throughout my own custody battle. Much of what I went through in my own custody situation could have been avoided if I’d had someone to guide me through this process, someone who had been through it and could advise me of the pitfalls and the potential mistakes that one can make. A compassionate guide who had the skill, knowledge, experience and understanding of what was happening to me. I realized that with my abilities as a communications skills professional, a psychotherapist in couples counseling, and mediation (along with my newfound wisdom of having gone through custody hell), that I could be that guide for others - a compassionate guide for someone facing similar challenges. I will work with anyone (mom or dad) who is willing to be fair with their ex-partner and act in the best interest of their child/ren. Back to Top What is your professional background? My training is in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP is a communications skills program used in therapy, mediation, and business. It's a powerful tool to help you stay focused on what you want (solutions and positive results) rather than what you don't want (fear and anxiety). I also use NLP with clients to help them access the inner resources they need in order to survive a divorce and maintain their balance and emotional well-being. Through the use of NLP, I can help you access your resources such as patience, inner strength and decisiveness. I've been a Master Practitioner of NLP for more than ten years, have with over 1,000 individuals and couples, and facilitated hundreds of seminars on NLP. Back to Top How is what you do different from a psychologist or psychiatrist? Psychology or psychiatry focuses mostly on the past. It tends to dig up issues from the past as a way to resolve current issues. There is value in this and traditional therapy and can have its place whenever anyone is going through a difficult time. Without question, a divorce or custody battle can stir up old issues, but there are so many critical strategic issues that need to be dealt with in the moment. It’s like crossing a field planted with landmines. One wrong step and you could lose your house, your car, or worse—custody of your child. At times, the process can be so overwhelming you may not know what to do or how to handle a specific situation. Back to Top What do you do as a coach? Working as a coach, I guide you through each step of the divorce/custody process. The first step is to become clear and decide what you want out of this process and the outcomes you would like to achieve, which takes determined focus. Having a final goal in mind is very important right from the beginning. The next step is to create a long-term strategy that can help to guide you through the process and bring about those outcomes. Next we focus on the present and what needs to happen now that will assist in accomplishing the long-term strategy. I will help you move through your mental and emotional blocks and to see clearly how to make the tough, objective decisions that need to be made so you can be proactive. I will also help you mentally and emotionally prepare for custody evaluations, arbitration or court. I’ve met dads who literally lost their rights as a father from a custody evaluation because they didn't know how to handle it properly. I can also guide you in the decision-making process to understand your options and keep a balanced perspective. I help you look at things from a different viewpoint keeping your children in mind at all times, and if it looks like you are headed down a harmful path, I will call you on it and help you get back on a good track. That does not mean I make decisions for you. I do not. But I will help guide you to your own conclusions, based on what is best for you and your child. I will give you a heavy dose of reality on what will happen if you take the legal route or seek revenge, and I will do everything within my power to keep you focused on solutions, which will keep the emotional and financial damages to a minimum. Staying focused on the positive aspects that can result from a divorce is key to surviving this process and coming out ahead. There are positive outcomes to look forward to. As a coach, I can work with you to develop a solid, well thought out, comprehensive, parenting agreement—one that works for both parents and their children. What I don't do is offer legal advice as I am not an attorney. Back to Top What can I expect in the first consultation? First, we will discuss an overview of the process. It’s important, right from the start that you gain a sense of the big picture and the stages that you will go through—what can happen along the way. It can be incredibly demanding. I know of fathers who have spent 1000+ hours dealing with their custody situation. The time factor alone can create a tremendous strain on your life. People need to understand all of the stages in a divorce or custody dispute so that they can be fully prepared, plan wisely, and create solid objectives. We also begin discussing strategy, a direction with goals and outcomes. Back to Top Have you helped others in difficult situations? Yes. A good example is a client that I worked with on the West Coast who found himself in a difficult situation. His ex-partner had taken their child unexpectedly and left the state with no warning. It was a month before he saw his child again. He forced her back into the state through the courts and they went through the legal separation process. This type of situation happens frequently. Emotions soar and things get out of hand, causing tremendous stress for the parents and the children. Legal costs skyrocket and now the parents have to find ways to cope with a devastating financial situation as well. He felt hurt and betrayed and decided on a strategy to “bring her down.” Instead, I was able to help him keep a balanced perspective and stay out of the attack mode, which not only saved both of them tens of thousands of dollars, but also spared their child the long-term effects of a hellish situation. I then became the friendly liaison to his wife and opened up communication and dialogue so constructive agreements could be made. Together, we rewrote several parts of their shared parenting time agreement. When people act out of revenge, the one who suffers most is the child. When parents get too caught up in their emotions, they totally lose sight of how harmful their actions are to their kids. Communication is the key to a positive future relationship which almost every parent wants after the dust settles. Back to Top How long will our association last? It is entirely up to you as to how much support you need. Often, I work with people until their case is resolved, or we may meet on just a few occasions. Initially, we schedule weekly phone meetings which range anywhere from 30-60 minutes. Depending on your case, how it is proceeding, and how you are handling the situation will determine how often we need to work together after that. Helping you stay on track by offering ongoing emotional support is a prime goal. Back to Top What are the bottom line advantages to using your services? As a father you will save time; there is less conflict and more negotiation. Cases are resolved more quickly. You will also save money. By having me as your coach, I can help you design a parenting agreement that works for everyone (especially your children), which can consume a large portion of time in a custody dispute and increase legal fees if not done properly the first time around. My clients also experience far less grief and downtime (depression, feeling sorry for yourself, spinning your wheels), than those who take this journey without getting the emotional support that is critical to weather the storm. I help dads find ways to accept those things that they can't change, and keep them focused on the positive outcomes that they can create for themselves and their children. Back to Top What is your relationship to my legal counsel? I work as closely with your attorney as he or she allows. Often, an attorney will outline a strategy or a game plan for the client. I help the client maintain objectivity and stay focused on the strategy at hand. Attorneys appreciate this because they generally are not interested in holding their client's hand. If I can help a client stay more rational and less reactive, attorneys can focus on their expertise—law and the case. Then, all of us are working together as a team to help you resolve your case with the least amount of pain. Back to Top What if my ex-partner has begun an aggressive legal action? If you want me to, and if she will listen, I can speak directly to her about the damage to her children, her own flesh and blood, that will almost surely happen if she follows through with an aggressive approach. If not, the next step is to find a good attorney in your area. Download my free report "How to Select an Attorney." Obviously, the solution becomes more difficult when your ex is acting aggressively and you have no way to influence her. But the one thing that you do have control over is how you react. You can be in the midst of a huge conflict and still remain at peace, think clearly, and make wise decisions, even if your ex is acting unwisely. One of you has to find a way to remain balanced or your children will suffer needlessly. Back to Top Do we have to meet in person? No, we do not. Most of my clients are out of state and we work over the phone. Often, I will do conference calls between the two parties when they are willing to negotiate or mediate. Back to Top What is your fee structure? $125/hour. I also offer a sliding scale for clients experiencing financial difficulty. Back to Top How do we get started? Call me to schedule a free initial phone consultation. This allows me to gain an understanding of your situation and it offers you a chance to get to know me. I will then schedule a follow-up time to get back to you within a few days to discuss how I can realistically help you. If you’re interested, we can set up another session to move forward and get you on a solid path. To schedule a free 30 minute phone interview call me at the number below: Phone : 1-303-413-8122 Fax : 1-866-738-7183 Back to Top