Divorce and Custody

The process of divorce can be fairly simple. It may not be easy (emotionally), but it can be simple when parents are willing to work together for the benefit of their family. There are three main components:

1. Division of Property - Who gets what and how will the outstanding debts get resolved.

2. Legal Custody: Who, preferably both of you, makes decisions about your children's welfare; the religion they are taught; if any, the school they will attend, the doctor's they will see, etc.

3. Physical Custody how you will share parenting time (overnights and other visits) and divide the child raising responsibilities: getting to school, vacations, homework, recreation, visits to the doctor, etc.

If you and your ex-partner see eye-to-eye on most issues, you can probably escape going to court and resolve your differences in a fair and equitable way. If one of you initiates an aggressive legal action, emotions will flare, out-of-pocket costs will skyrocket, and the effects on your children can be tragic.

Either way, you will need to divide jointly held property and create a well thought out Parenting Plan (custody agreement) which details how you will share parenting time and other responsibilities while taking into account your family's needs and desires. If you are on good terms with your ex-partner and both of you are willing to negotiate the issues, you can complete this process quickly and inexpensively, saving time, money, and tons of grief. This is by far your best shot at staying sane and paying for your kids to go college, rather than your attorney's kids.

If you are not on good terms, and hostility is a factor, the possibility of ending up in court over property or child custody could become very real.

Stay Out of Court

Do your best to stay out of court!! The courtroom is not the place to work out your differences if at all possible. Ask any dad who's been there. Do everything within your power to negotiate or mediate a financial settlement, and a shared parenting agreement, either together or with professional help. Going to court should be the last resort when everything else has felt.

If either of you choose to force the courts to make decisions for you and your family (which the courts do not want to do), there is a high likelihood it will not turn out the way you expect. If your ex-partner has already retained an attorney and filed for divorce, or taken some other form of legal action against you, there are critical steps that you need to take immediately. Finding a good attorney to represent you is the first step. This is not always easy and my free report can help you gain the knowledge you'll need to make a wise choice.

Whether you are currently in court or just considering a divorce, you need to strongly consider the anger or hostility level of your ex-partner. If she is bitter toward you, she may be negatively influenced by friends, family, or worse, an attorney from hell. If this happens, she may be convinced to falsely accuse you of things you have not done. She may also attempt to trick you into providing the evidence she will need to cause you harm or deprive you of your parental rights. These tactics are being used more and more all the time. There are, unfortunately, many dirty tricks that your ex-partner can play on you if she believes that it will work to her advantage in court. And trust me, if she gets away with them they will. Learn about this now and protect yourself.

If you are lucky enough to be on good terms with your ex-partner, that's great. Do everything within your power to keep it that way. Not only will this save you time, money and reduce the emotional stress, it will go a long way toward maintaining a good future relationship. It will also allow your children to get through this process with the least amount of harm. Divorce can be even more stressful to your child than it is for you. It all depends on how you and your ex-partner play it out.

Agreements

Agreements can be made by both of you that can handle all your financial affairs and parenting concerns in a conscious way taking into account everyone's needs. Fairness and cooperation are the key ingredients to successful resolution of the issues, which is absolutely critical for your children's sake. Negotiation and mediation are the important factors in creating this success. When communication breaks down, there is a high likelihood that the process will quickly deteriorate, which increases the level of tension and may cause one of you to act aggressively. This is when you end up turning your power over to attorneys and the legal system, which can turn out to be a very big mistake! So keep the lines of communication open whenever possible.

Include within your strategy a resolution-oriented approach; one that takes into account the good of all concerned, including your ex-partner. After all, she is the mother of your children, and the more she suffers (even if you think she deserves it), the more your children will suffer along with her. No caring father would want that for his child. Remember, the one thing you do have control of in this process is how you react. It is critical to stay balanced and objective, make the right decisions, and stick with a solid strategy to accomplish your outcomes.

Challenges and Stress

This can be one of the most challenging and stressful times of your life. There are many ups and downs throughout the journey. You can reduce the stress by understanding more about the process, studying and preparing yourself for what may happen, learning the key steps you need to take, and getting the support that is available to you. Now is the time to gain the knowledge you need and become "proactive" in this process or risk losing your hard-earned assets and your right's as a father.