If your ex-partner is angry enough, she may discover some of
the dirty tricks that are commonly used today to
assure success in a divorce or custody dispute. If
she succeeds, you stand a good chance of losing: property
and assets you have worked hard to obtain, some or all of
your basic rights as a
father, and your ability to protect your child’s interests
and rights as well. And if that's not bad enough, the
stress that this can create is often more than one can bear.
I have seen this happen to so many good fathers. It is
absolutely tragic and very real for those who experience it,
especially the children who can no longer see their dads. These are not the “dead-beat dads” that you read
about (which are actually far fewer than the claims made by
the press). Most of them are regular guys like you
and me who love their kids, pay their child support on time,
and treat their children well. The injustice that allows for
this to happen is a very unfortunate fault of the legal
system and those who take advantage of it.
to what this judge has to say about it…
fathers are led down a primrose path every day in our family
courts, often with disastrous legal results. They wind up in
the Land of Gender Bias, where they are systematically
stripped of their rights, often without the slightest idea
of why it is happening to them.
you think the mother-father disparity is outrageous,
consider the sexual abuse syndrome, and how it affects
visitation and custody disputes. Here, the judicial
impotence and chronic blindness to men's rights would appall
are supposed to approach cases of child custody, support
payments, and visitation rights in what we call a
gender-neutral posture. It sounds fair, and it is fair. But
it is a myth. Judges are not enforcing these gender laws
fairly, and few seem to car
will see more of these problems until fathers organize to
demand fairer treatment. So get it together dads: You have a
legitimate legal beef and you need to make this a public
issue. Right now the courts don't hear you."
Judy Sheindlin, author of Don't Pee on My Leg
andTell Me It's Raining
Here are some of the dirty tricks commonly used by parents today:
out the bank account or safety deposit box.
out the credit cards.
the furniture and run off with the cash.
claim physical abuse.
claim physical or sexual abuse towards your children.
a restraining order against you based on false
with the kids unannounced and no forwarding.
financial issues to gain leverage with custody or
a petition to keep you out of your own home.
nasty lies and badmouth you in front of mutual friends
out of state and take your child, claiming that it is in
the "best interest of the child," even when the real motive is revenge.
or interfere with your visitation rights.
your children against you through lies and distortion.
motions and use delay tactics to tie you up in court and
drain your finances.
you to move out of the house through harassment and
coercion, and then petition the court claiming you have “abandoned your family."
Claim that child support
was not received on time or at all.
others in malicious actions against you.
you telephone access with your child.
with your participating in your child’s school and
other recreational activities.
your mutual or, unsuspecting “friends” to get inside
information to use against you in court or even turn
them into unwitting spies.
important information about your child’s health or
above are used all the time to frustrate, outmaneuver,
gain legal control,
and wear fathers down.
Women learn how to use these tactics through friends, books
that are written specifically for this purpose by other
women (who have won in court using these tactics), and
surprisingly, by attorneys. In fact, it is becoming more
commonplace for some attorneys to recommend one or more of
tactics to their clients because it gives them an almost
certain victory in court. If your ex-partner can convince
the courts that you have physically abused her or your
child, she gains a tremendous advantage over you
in all further proceedings. You will be known as a “violent offender,”
a person judges despise, and
they will not hesitate to grant her whatever she wants.
Even if you fight these charges and win, word still gets
around and people often believe what they hear, whether true
or untrue. This is why I continue to emphasize how important
it is to do everything you can to play it cool with your
ex-partner. One wrong move may cause her to use any of the
above tricks either to attack or defend. Once aggression
goes beyond the verbal level the situation can spiral downward quickly
and much will be lost.
one is immune from these tactics.
My ex tried some of these tricks in our
custody dispute, always in the “child's best
interest,” of course. Fortunately,
I was well prepared and the law worked in my favor –
justice prevailed. But nothing can make up for the emotional
distress that my son and I experienced or the legal fees it
cost us to protect our rights.
I say “us” because our standard of living and his
emotional well-being was affected during my custody battle
and so he suffered
attorneys and the women who take
advantage of the
legal system have
all gone to great lengths to gain the
necessary skills to make it work in their favor
(in spite of
the harmful effects to the children). Usually,
they can only get away with this if you, the father, lack the knowledge
to avoid the common mistakes and pitfalls that can bring
tremendous loss to you and your children.