Brief Introduction to Section III:

The third section begins with a list of very specific questions I call the “reality check.” It is designed to help you focus on what you really want regarding the custody of your child/ren. It also contains a customizable, Parenting Plan template with the essential points, and a guidebook which includes an Explanation for each point, the Concerns a father might encounter for the specific issue being addressed, and potential Options that could be added to the point described. There may be points that will not fit your needs, which can be deleted. There may be points that you, your ex-partner or your attorney, will want to add to the document to best suit your situation.  

This particular plan is designed to help you understand and protect your rights as a father as well as those of your children. It will become your working Parenting Agreement. In this section you will cut, paste and edit each point to specifically tailor it to your family and your desired goals as the father.  

Although you may only have one child, to assist parents with the complex issue of a child's age and how it relates to parenting time, the plan contains examples using two children of different ages. This allows you to determine which child (based on his or her age) best fits your situation. If you only have one child, you can delete any reference to the other in your working copy. 

2.4. Non-Interference With Parenting Time.

Both parties agree never to schedule or promote to the [child / ren] any special events or activities that fall on the other party’s parenting time without first obtaining permission from that party in the following manner:

A. The requesting party will notify the other party of the event or activity and discuss with them the benefits of the [child / ren’s] attendance prior to discussing it with the [child / ren]. If the other party already has something scheduled or decides that the [child / ren] cannot participate in the event or activity for any reason, the requesting parent will abide by that parent’s decision and not attempt to influence the other parent through the [child / ren].

B. The [child is / children are] always free to express [his / her / their] interests in any activity [he is / she is / they are] interested in to either parent at any time.

C. Both parties also agree not to interfere with each other’s parenting time in any form. If either parent denies physical access to scheduled visitation without just cause, that parent will pay all costs associated with mediation, arbitration, or court related legal fees.

Explanation:
Your parenting time is yours to do with as you choose, unless the court has ruled otherwise. The other parent has NO right to interfere with your time. The time you receive with your children will be based either on the Parenting Agreement that you both sign and file with the court, or the amount of time that is awarded to you by the arbiter or judge.  Athough the mother has no right to schedule events without your permission, it’s key to have this point written into your agreement so there is no question about it. That way, you can immediately take it to mediation or arbitration if it comes up. By including reimbursement of any associated costs, she will think twice before interfering with your time.

Please be aware that your ex-partner or her attorney may or may not agree to the final clause which states fees will be reimbursed if “found to be unjustified.” I can only say that if I’d had a clause like this in my original Parenting Agreement, my ex would have been liable for thousands of dollars, or even more likely, would never have attempted to play the games she played. If your ex-partner questions this, you can explain to her that it will help prevent “both” of you from causing unnecessary problems in the future.

It’s very difficult to get compensated for legal fees in a family dispute, no matter how absurd or frivolous the charges are, unless you include it in your agreement. Even in cases where mothers knowingly allege false sexual abuse of the child by fathers and the father proves his innocence (often spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in criminal proceedings to accomplish this), the courts allow the mothers to walk away scott-free and the fathers carry the financial burden, along with the stigma, for the rest of their lives.

 

NOTE: An arbiter is a judge who is appointed by you and your ex-partner, which can help you avoid the high costs of using the court system and allow for speedy resolution of issues. (See Point 10, "Mediation and Arbitration").

Concerns:
Parents who are angry at each other are notorious for interfering with the other’s parenting time. Many dads show up on time at their ex-partner’s home to pick up their child and no one is there. You wait and wait, but they don’t show. My ex would schedule play-dates, sporting events, sleepovers, and just about anything else she wanted during my parenting time and then notify me a day or two prior. Since my "first" attorney failed to include a point restricting the interference of parenting time in our original Parenting Agreement, it took costly legal action to put a stop to it. After this, her tactic was to get my son extremely excited about an event she wanted him to go to during my parenting time, before ever mentioning anything about it to me. Then I would have to break the bad news to him about other plans that I had already made for us making me out to be the bad guy.

NOTE: If your ex-partner violates any part of this agreement and mediation doesn’t resolve it, you may have to use arbitration, or file a motion of contempt with the court if you do not include arbitration in your Parenting Plan. Do not wait to do this. My experience has been that the more you allow her to take advantage of this type of situation, the more she will.

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