3.5. Increases in Parenting Time.
Due to [his
/ her] age, [youngest
child’s first name] will live with the mother primarily. As [she
/ he] grows, both parties agree that it is appropriate for [youngest
child’s first name] to spend more overnights with [his
/ her] father. Therefore:
1) When [youngest
child’s first name] reaches 2 years of age, [she / he] will begin spending [1
/ 2] overnight[s] per week with [his
/ her] father.
2) At the age of 3 years old the
overnights will increase to [2 / 3] per week.
3) At the age of 4 years old the
overnights will increase to 50%, or half time with each parent.
The parents will consult with one another
to determine the best overnight schedule for the child 60 days before [his
/ her] birthday. As preparation for an easy transition to the new
schedule, the parents will begin telling the child in advance of the
upcoming change in parenting time. If there is a disagreement as to the
new schedule, they will take the issue to mediation for resolution.
NOTE: If you have a second child who is older but still
spends most of the time with his mom, you will need to copy and then
paste this point in for the second child and edit accordingly.
Explanation:
When your child is young it may make sense for him to spend more
overnights with his mom. But as he grows you may wish to have more
overnights, which is totally fair and acceptable with the courts if your
ex doesn’t contest it. It is critical to include
this provision in your Parenting Plan now.
If you do, she will have to initiate court proceedings if she attempts
to change the agreement. Forcing her to take legal action to overturn
and existing agreement (a very expensive, highly adversarial action) is
difficult and may be enough to dissuade her or at least cause her to
reconsider. Adding this provision
will help to avoid going back to court in the future in order to resolve
issues that could have been handled in your original parenting
agreement. If tensions grow between you, she can make every little
detail into a major issue and literally have you tied up in the courts
for years!
Change is the one thing you can
count on. When preparing your Parenting Plan, take this into account and
design your plan accordingly.
Concerns:
This is the very point that land most dads in the courtroom battling for
more overnights. Many mothers will
fight to the end in order to keep your child away from you. There could
be any number of reasons for this, including revenge - or maybe she believes you are incapable of raising your child. Perhaps,
if you share the child equally, the child support you have been paying
may decrease or even end; most mothers are not very happy about this. BE
AWARE that the majority of “alleged” sexual-abuse charges against
fathers occur when they attempt to either gain custody of their child or
increase their parenting time. Fortunately, at least 70% of these
charges prove to be false. Still, this shows how far some moms will go
to deprive a dad of the time he deserves with his child.
It’s hell on the father, who has to prove his innocence, which
is not easy to do and not cheap. The child suffers as well and
often wonders "did dad do something he shouldn't have with me?"
After
spending close
to $1,000 for my attorney to
draft my parenting agreement not only did she leave out an automatic
increase in parenting time,
she
never even suggested it. One would hope that an attorney (with 20 years of family law
experience) would be conscious enough to raise a consideration such as
this knowing how difficult it
is for a father to gain this
increase in the future.
Options:
In terms of parenting time
increases, consider the following options:
1) Any increase in parenting time or overnights should be something that
works for you and your child – and, ideally, agreed upon by your ex.
If you follow the guidelines of the parenting time section and your ex
is reasonable, there should be no problem;
2) If she is resistant to the increase in overnights, and you can afford
it, you could offer to continue to pay the same amount of child support.
This might be enough to convince her if money is the primary issue,
which is often the case. If the additional financial burden of taking
care of the child becomes too much, wait six months until the child
has settled into the new routine,
and then have your attorney file a motion to modify your child support;
or,
3) You can lower your child support at the annual meeting (suggested in
this plan) once your
overnights increase, which is a key factor in child support
calculations.